dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
