Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
