My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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