why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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