I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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