In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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