i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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