I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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