Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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