it was like eating out sand paper
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
