God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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