I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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