Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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