I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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