I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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