come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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