my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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