Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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