waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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