READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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