I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
