Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
