wrigley field is MILF paradise
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
