shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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