dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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