he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
