Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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