My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
