My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
