Did you just see the Batmobile???
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
