woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
