Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
