You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
