walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And then my night got REAL pukey
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
