When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
