im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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