Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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