There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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