I faked an abortion last night.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
