weddingsv make me drug and hornr
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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