I want to make a zoo with you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
