I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
