May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
