Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
