I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
