singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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