This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
