you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
