she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
