The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
