omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
