i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
