i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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