I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
