I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
