thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize