he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
