I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the condom got lost in my hair
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
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It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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