You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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