apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
